The worlds first tech support phone call.
People think that computer technical support is a recent invention. But recently discovered in the archives at UK Technical Support , is what is reported to be the first ever Technical Support call. Let me set the scene ...
It is a cold night in the City of London. Snow is thick upon the ground. A little match-girl lays dying on a street corner. The Marconigraph rings..
PUNTER: Felicitations, my good man, would perchance I be speaking to the Babbage Marconigraph Helpline?
TECH: Yus guvnor! Gord blessya! (tugs forlock) Calls is bein' charged at tree and a tanna a minute yer 'onner! And 'ow can I h'assist you?
PUNTER: Well, it was my recent pleasure to acquire a copy of that most interesting and innovative piece of computerised software, "Windows 1895". But it is my misfortune to inform you that I am experiencing voluminous deficiencies in performance of said purchase!
TECH: Gorblimey guvnor! Luvvaduck! An' wot machine woz you h'attemptin' to install it on might I be so bold as to h'inquire? (pauses to extract nits from head)
PUNTER: Why, 'twas one of your very one Babbage Highscreen Difference Engines, purchased not three summers ago from your esteemed establishment on the Bromley High Street!
TECH: Cor strike a light! There's yer problem guvnor! Winders 1895 don't run on one of them 'ighscreen machines! Never 'as an' never will, or my names not Typhoid Lil!
PUNTER: But when I purchased the said Difference Engine, I was assured that such elementary computations would be well within its capacity!
TECH: Well, yer 'onner, if I may make so bold, you wuz 'ad!
PUNTER: Had? Had? But... what can I do?
TECH: Well, yer 'onner, yer could always return it to the shoppe from which you got it from..
PUNTER: Take it back! Why, the bronze bearings alone weight several tons! As for the quartz! Look! The responsibility for my predicament is solely yours! What course of action do you propose to take to rectify this situation?
TECH: Sorry, yer lordship (coughs consumptively), oooh! mother, me lungs! T'aint nuthin' I can do!
PUNTER:You shall not hear the last of this! By the Lord Harry, I shall take this to the highest in the land. Mr Disraeli is a very good and personal acquaintance of mine.. (Slams down Marconigraph receiver loudly and heads for Whitechapel, knife at the ready)
The worlds first tech support phone call. 
Linear Mode
