No mun, no fun, mi compadre.
I do have an old p2 PackardHell around here somewhere... but it wouldn't do me any good. It can only connect via USB, and I don't have an adapter. I hooked it up straight to my DSL modem once just to see if it would work. I was surprised that it did.
Let's just call this an experiment of sorts. I mainly need the shell as a proxy, but it is a rather specific task.