The Joke Thread:

[Spud1200]

This thread is Dedicated to Jokes that you may know, Please try to keep them relatively Clean for all ages of people enjoy as this is a tech sight not some deborch place for Adult Online Fun...


Also try not to go crazy trawling the net for jokes, just what you may know and if you have any?

This is one I got told today.


A few weeks after having an operation, I saw my doctor about my convalescence.
"What have you been doing?" he asked.
"Just sitting around all day, drinking tea, surfing the internet, texting my mates," I said.
He got angry and said, "I told you not to return to your job at the council offices for at least two months."

,, Thought that was pretty Good Myself. lol ..

 

[carnageX]

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25

Not sure how many will get that, but it's one of my fav's lol.

 

[Omoplata]

You to a friend:

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Don't know, why?
To get to the moron's house. Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.

 

[DistraughtSysop]

IT pickup line I heard the other day:

"That ass must contain critical data because I just want you to back it up."

 

[Joe C]

AS a result of the new Lisbon Treaty signed only last Friday-The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English" .
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

 

[Spud1200]

Joe, I'm pinching that one.. Its too good not to have.. I thought it was actually pretty good TBH.. Because lets face it, the Germans are pretty Dominant.

 

[Spud1200]

Had this sent the other day Via. Text Message.

"So Alex Salmond was right after all, Scotland CAN still use the pound after September 18th.."

Thought it was pretty funny, but I probs shouldn't laugh as some Might find it offensive..

 

[Joe C]

Had this sent the other day Via. Text Message.

"So Alex Salmond was right after all, Scotland CAN still use the pound after September 18th.."

Thought it was pretty funny, but I probs shouldn't laugh as some Might find it offensive..

Not on this side of the pond

 

[carnageX]

99 little bugs in the code,
99 little bugs...
Take one down, patch it around...
117 little bugs in the code..

 

[Spud1200]

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25

99 little bugs in the code,
99 little bugs...
Take one down, patch it around...
117 little bugs in the code..

Don't get it. Feel free to explain if you don't mind. ..